harder than anticipated.....

M left yesterday at 4am...and it was heartbreaking...I am lucky as my housemate/BFFL ...SAJF got up to say goodbye to M and to be with me....he is so nice.

So far M and I have been calling a lot....now that he is back at home...he fears his English will get worse each day away. For now we just talk about our days....as we don't know the future and both don't want to talk about any plans.

SAJF has been very helpful and understanding.... when we are just eating or sitting and I just start to cry. Last night I lost it in the supermarket (as I had been there one day before with M).....and I was trying to hold it together...and he found me in the cleaning aisle and smiled and led me around like a little girl......

I hope I will be more positive soon....I just feel like my heart is in the pit of my stomach and it is hard to go to sleep.

SAJF had to do all of this distance stuff before so he really understands....for now...my mom has been the wisest person through this (as usual)....as she said tonight, "Well there is nothing that can be said to make you feel better and I wish there was." .....and that is the perfect thing to say.